I did it -- I stood up on my board for a whole second. :) It felt great! It was a single swell day, according to our new surf instructor, Sean, at the lesson this morning. Newport Beach, and Southern California in general, is at a place where we get swells from both the north and the south Pacific. Today, the southern swells were off and we only had to contend with the northern swell. To me, that meant one thing to pay attention to: gentle waves coming from one direction with about 16 seconds or longer in between them. Add to the single swell our normally lovely, Surfline-rated poor wave heights of 1-2 feet, and very little wind for the first hour, and I finally found ideal conditions! I was able to balance so much better today. I didn't have to fight big breaking waves to get outside. Such a good day. It felt a lot different. It felt wonderful.
Remember when you learned to drive, there were so many things to pay attention to? I used to run through the list in my head: check mirrors, seatbelt, turn radio off to eliminate distraction, step on brake, turn ignition, look around 27 times, and then pull out onto the road. I had two hands on the steering wheel. I learned on empty country roads, so little other traffic. I have a traumatic memory of driving on the highway for the first time heading into Detroit -- so many other cars doing unexpected things and moving so fast! Yikes. It was hard for me. It took awhile for these variables to get internalized and automatic. Once internalized, then I was free to introduce new distractors, like drinking a cup of coffee, listening to my favorite radio show, taking a phone call, and eating a bagel all on my drive to work.
Surfing has been the same thing. Waves coming in from all directions. How do you catch a wave? What's a good one? Is that a good one? How do I paddle? Am I paddling fast enough? At what point do I stop paddling and pop up? OMFG, popping up. Look forward, not down. Hands evenly spaced on the board to maintain balance. LOOK UP. Which leg comes forward? Start on my knees or definitely do not start on my knees? Where are you looking??? And then, when it's busy, looking for waves as well as other surfers going right or left, coming from your right and left, keep looking around for traffic while you are trying to paddle and catch a wave. I'm exhausted just writing this. None of this is internalized yet. It's still a list in my head that I meticulously run through. And if I'm not paying total attention, then forget it. I get my daily dose of saltwater down my throat and up my nose.
A single swell day was indeed a swell day, because the number of variables got reduced. It was also a fairly consistent wave, so I could practice under the same conditions several times in a row. Because it was a slow and small wave, not many other people were around. There was just way less to sort out mentally today. It was GREAT! From a learning perspective, I want today's conditions every day. One of the things that makes surfing so hard to learn is that the ocean is different every day. Every. Damn. Day. is totally different. So it's hard to physically and cognitively accommodate all of the variables.
There is a great learning theory out there that deals with growing competence, sometimes called the competence ladder or the stages of learning. We all start at the stage of unconscious incompetence: we don't know how to do something and we don't know what we don't know. After we begin a new endeavor, we develop a sense of conscious incompetence: we know how bad we are and how much we have to learn. (This is where I am with surfing.) The third stage is conscious competence: we can do a new skill, but we are still doing it by rote, running through the list in our head. And finally, we attain an unconscious competence: we can do the thing automatically and "naturally." We do a thing so well, we can begin to experiment with it and branch out from it.
This second stage is a really vulnerable stage, because you can see the ride ahead of you to competence and it is long and hard. Whatever the task, lots of people give up at this stage, especially if they don't experience some success. While I'm in no danger of quitting, it was a boost today to get up and feel some balance on my board for the first time. It felt different today.
I can see the path ahead of me by looking at the competence levels of my awesome surf crew - most everyone else is up on their boards consistently now. Many catch waves by themselves very often. One or two are now turning rights and lefts. It's cool to see all of these stages in play in our group and to be the one viewing it from behind. I've been a hyperachiever all of my life. It hasn't taken me long to get to unconscious competence in most things, and I generally push to get there. Always had to get the A. Always had to be perfect. It's nice to be the worst one in the group, taking my time, slowly getting lighter and fitter, and noticing my progress. A single swell day, coming one at a time with space in between, is quite nice for a change. I'm not pushing to achieve by a deadline; I'm gently gliding into competence at 16-second intervals for as long as it takes.
I can't remember when I've been so patient with something. When I've felt absolutely no pressure to ACHIEVE. When perfection is simply not possible and I've fully embraced a magnificent imperfection. There is so much to enjoy, and so much to contend with, that I'm very content with this challenge. I do have an expectation of attaining some form of competence someday -- I believe I can and will surf standing up at some point. I believe I will take a right or a left some day, and dance on the end of my longboard, hanging ten. But I am not fussed about when I get there.
I'm curious this morning about this lovely, floaty, contented feeling. I've been feeling it a lot lately -- serenity, calm, equanimity. Able to bask in one thing, a single swell. Simplicity. I was a huge reader as kid. I always loved to read. But then I went to grad school and became a professor and had to read for my job. I moved around a lot. Moved to places where I didn't totally belong. I felt really unsettled and couldn't sit still. I haven't read books for fun in years. I just had my one year anniversary here. The first few months after I move, there is so much to learn and sort out: new job, new grocery store, still haven't found a dry cleaner, new vet, new environment for dog -- what are the dangers here to be aware of? New apartment to organize. New things to see and do. New people to meet. It's unsettled, expansive yet exhausting. This summer, I realized that I'm reading again. I am accommodating the variables. Things are falling into place. I'm still enough inside myself to read. I can find a single swell day almost every day.
Is it age or (finally) a sense of maturity? An unconscious competence with life in general? Is it the sense of belonging I've found with my surf ladies? Not sure. Perhaps a lovely mix of it all. I'm just delighted by this newly found peace of mind. I'm balancing much better these days. It feels a lot different. It feels wonderful. I had a single swell today. I'm finding that's all I need.
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