Saltwater for Breakfast

The alarm rang at 4:30 am, but I was already awake. Meeting Surf Sisters Sherri and Haley at 5:15 for the hour drive up to El Porto in Manhattan Beach for the Queen of the South Bay all-women's surf competition (that is not really a competition), I didn't want to be late. Haley's 8-foot longboard fit neatly inside my upside down 9 on her roof rack. She had purchased new straps for the trip to hold our boards atop Rustica, her dark orange Subaru. Her shortboards were inside th

This whole thing began because I saw a dad teaching his daughter how to surf one day at Blackies soon after we started surfing, and it made me incredibly sad. I remember seeing how tender he was with his little girl, how careful he was with her, how they laughed, how she gave him her rapt attention and tried so hard to do what he was telling her. I paddled closer to them, so I could hear his directions -- maybe get a few tips. I couldn't hear very well over the crashing waves

A voluptuous goddess is perhaps not well suited for surfing. Wahine Kai Surf Club new member meet and greet at Bolsa Chica State Beach On that gloomy day last week when I went surfing alone for the first time, a person on stand up paddle board passed by me. It was striking to see this bright blue paddle board and colorful wetsuit float on the invisible border between the sea and sky. Everything was an even steel gray, so the blue really popped. Thoughts intruded from my inner

It was one of those June Gloom days when you couldn't tell the difference between ocean and sky. All pictures from pexels.com. This is the first time I surfed alone. Sunday morning at 7 am, Father's Day 2023. My crew was off doing other things, so I went out with my new board in the gray gloom of June in Southern California. Blackies north of Newport Beach Pier is always busy, so I wasn't really alone. I am beginning to learn and it is amazing. For my 55th birthday this year,

The water was so blue -- several blues that I don't have names for exactly, but might be in the range of teal, turquoise, sapphire, azure, and amethyst in the deep. Sunshine sparkling off the water; clouds in the distance by the mountains. We surfed at a break called Pops, which was at least a 25-minute paddle out. It felt like we were miles out to sea. I didn't surf well that day, the waves were too high and there were 20 knot winds. The previous day, though, we surfed Publi

Big south swell from storms traveling across the wide Pacific arrived at the shores of SoCal in mid June bringing huge waves to all of our surf breaks. Famously, the Wedge in Newport Beach absorbs these swells with 18-20 foot neck-breaking waves that crash near shore in very shallow water. It is a popular boogie boarding break for the most part, but there are also surfers out there -- highly skilled surfers who take on these ridiculously big swells. Even the beach is incredib

"You shoulda been here yesterday!" My favorite phrase and bumper sticker. It made me laugh out loud the first time I heard it. There's a joy in it and a nostalgia for the day before, a longing for the brilliant time we had and so deeply want to have again. I hear it all the time, "Yesterday was so fun!" or "Yesterday was great! You shoulda been here." A similar phrase came out of my mouth one day at Blackies. It was a big day: big waves coming fast and frequent, one right beh

The other night, Surf Sensei and I went out for a sunset surf. There is nothing like surfing as the sun goes down; it's my favorite thing in the world. The colors of the California sunset are always the same: blue sky fading to deep maroon near the water, yellow, orange, red, and sometimes, a hot pink if you're lucky. The colors reflect off the water and you surf through golden waves. Going out with Surf Sensei is always a pleasure, but this time was especially cool: we share

Surfing the other day at Blackies was a stunner of a morning. The marine layer thick, waves small, water glassy, a perfect day. A friend of mine brought a young friend of hers to surf for the first time; the young woman stood up on her first wave and sailed right in! We were both excited for her and envious at the same time! It took me a year of high quality failure to reach the same feat. I caught a couple waves and chatted with Surf Sensei, who is always full of interesting

On most days, the water is so clear at Blackies, you can see right through it. See the few shells on the bottom, the little fish swimming by, the ripples in the sand on sea floor. When the sun reaches a certain height, tiny grains of sand dispersed throughout the water reflect the light, and it looks like I'm swimming in a sparkling snow globe, shimmering within a crystal clarity. For me, the clarity of the water sometimes makes it hard to catch a wave, because I don't know I

According to NOAA, a rogue wave is one that is "large, unexpected, and dangerous." It's the result of a particular kind of focused combo swell, perhaps when ground swell waves from storms interact with currents or different swells add up in constructive interference. When we are out surfing, occasionally we'll see a much bigger wave wander through on an ordinary 2-3' day. You know when something is coming, because the more observant surfers will start paddling out all of sudd

December in SoCal seems to be the perfect time for some big waves. Over the past three years, the day after Christmas -- literally the same day -- has been a big day. This year, not as big as predicted, but in 2023? It was huge. It was the 10-12 foot waves at Blackies that year that blew my mind! I wrote about how we got wiped out in a surf lesson the day before the big surf arrived, because we got caught in the leading edge of the swell. These December big surf events are of

When I paddled in the other morning to say goodbye to Surf Sister Ashley, I stepped off my board and into a pile of seaweed hiding underwater. After a short scream and awkward squiggle out of the gross, scratchy pile of slimy stuff, I hugged her and paddled back out. I was on my own in the water for the first time in a long time. It was a Wednesday morning with Very Small Waves with a Long Wait in between them, so not many people were out. It was incredibly peaceful. I looked

Blackies parking lot on a Saturday morning is hopping from 5 am onward into the night. When I arrive in the summertime for dawn patrol at 5:30 am, it is difficult to find a parking spot. The fish market is open and there is already a line halfway down the lot. People leave with bags of fish, sea urchin, octopus, and shrimp freshly caught by the latest people in a long line of fisherfolk who have been working near this pier since at least 1888. The Dory Fish Market is notable

Under the right conditions, I can make the turn to surf down the line. At first, catching a wave just means looking back and trying really hard to notice a good one. As a beginner, a kook, there are too many details to organize and you can only do one thing. That's why beginners are often dropping in on other people. But now, my awareness is expanded. Every time I catch a wave, there is a whole process. I am looking back out to sea to notice the green wave coming. I turn arou

My intention was to go coasting: head north along the coast. Attention, letting go, love, and beauty. I did that -- all of that. Drove the winding roads of Big Sur along cliff edges. Sat under the Milky Way. Meditated at a monastery, spending two weeks in silence before attending a grief workshop based on Francis Weller's work described in the book The Wild Edge of Sorrow. I rarely left the shore. Feet on the sand or in the water, or resting in a chair by a fire under the fog

"The silence holds with its gloved hand the wild hawk of the mind." R.S. Thomas "I know what it is to exist between the world's certainties." Father Benitez, as written by Robert Harris in Conclave Coasting. That's what I'm about to do: go coasting. I'm taking a trip up California's Central Coast to stay at a monastery for a silent retreat for a couple of weeks. Coasting means both "to proceed along or near the coast of" and "to advance or proceed with little or no effort." T

Went to San O the other day, down by Dogpatch and Old Man's. Surfline said 2-3+. I should know by now that the little "+" at the end of the wave height prediction does a lot of work. That little + means anything can happen. And anything did. It didn't look too bad from the shore -- low tide, so waves were breaking pretty far out. That's the thing about San O, though, you just expect a long paddle out. Waves were not particularly harsh -- they are always soft there, we call th

Dawn Patrol. First light. The alarm chimed at 5:30 this morning; I was in the car by 5:40, everything sorted. The preparations now are automatic. I can carry the surfboard and dry bin at the same time I open the door on the way to the car, keys around my neck on a ribbon. Wetsuit slipped on easily. Car was already prepared. The drive to Blackies takes 20 minutes no matter what I do. At the beach by 6, in that beautiful blue mass shortly after, joined by lovely surf sister, Ka

It starts with my hand. I notice that my right hand feels strained and achy. I flex my fingers and roll my wrist to see if the pain is worthy of ice or ibu, but it's fine, just an ache. Then I notice that I have a bruise on the top of my hand. How did I get a bruise on the top of my hand? I don't remember anything happening in the water that would make that happen -- oh wait! Yes, when I was swallowed by a wave, I put my hands up to protect my head from my board and it hit my

There is a division in the surf group. Yes, it's not all perfection over here -- just very close to it. ;) The division exists between those of us who can surf every day, or several days during the week, and those of us who wish we could. Those who can go every day are improving so much -- it's so amazing to see what beautiful and graceful surfing can be accomplished in such a short time with daily, or near daily, practice. There is no substitute for time in the water. For th

There's no actual surfing here. If there was, then I'd never leave. On the home page of my website is a quote from Jon Kabat-Zinn, "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." The only kind of surfing I did this week in the desert was the kind you do through waves of emotion. I attended a 5-day intensive retreat for Mindful Self-Compassion. Surfing my emotional landscape was tough, which seems counterintuitive. Compassion has a tenderness to it, a softness. Yet, giv

I had the opportunity to apply for a new job the other day. It was a "real" job: one in which I would need to wear "real" clothes and generally button myself up again into some societally acceptable form of "professional" but make real money. I didn't apply. As I walked into the water with my girls at River Jetties the other day, the mysterious fog draped around us, the waves big enough to slap us in the face, water grey and impenetrable to my eyes, I thought, "I never want t

Saturday, there was a shooting on the pier. Someone accused of shooting another human in another town drove their car to Newport Beach, chased by police. They then drove their car to the end of the pier and the police followed. There were gunshots. The man died. An officer caused that death. There were no winners that morning. The headlines read something like "murder suspect killed in police shooting." Surf Sister Ashley was there walking my grand dog on the beach and caught